Sleepless in...Cliche?

So here it is, almost 2am on Tuesday morning.  The alarm will go off at 7am to get the kiddo ready for school.  I will be dead tomorrow.  What is keeping me up you may ask?  Well, I haven't been sleeping great lately anyway.  Worry about my new business, a lazy sleep schedule from being off work for over a year, and not eating right are contributors.  Tonight, though, there's something more.

I know everyone has things in life that they think back on and wonder if they did the right thing or the wrong thing.  I would think that once in a while, everyone has a moment where they remember something dumb they did or said that caused unintended consequences such as straining a relationship or even completely destroying one.  Well, sometimes I feel that I have an overactive conscience.  I try really hard to be a nice person.  To be a good person.  But I can remember things going back to high school, and in one particular incident, before, that weigh on my mind.  Yes, I know that I should let these things go, but I know that I have hurt people, and in turn friendships...in a few cases even destroyed them.  All because of a lack of control over my mouth.  In the case of the pre-high-school one, a lack of control coupled with a somewhat charismatic friend.

Some people I know for sure that I said something stupid and hurt them and possibly ruined a friendship.  Worse (at least I think so), there are things I remember saying in which I think MAY have hurt someone...but I'll likely always wonder if that thing that I said or did really did hurt them or if I am just feeling guilty.

Maybe I can sleep now 2 hours later...

Reconnaissance - Boulevard Coffee

So I talked about Tea Exotics a while ago.  I have visited several local tea and coffee places over the last year and found that my vision is at least somewhat unique.  That's good right?

We have Boulevard Coffee which is probably the closest to me if you discount Starbucks and Dutch Bros which are both within a mile of me in any direction.  Boulevard is run by a guy named Cliff and his wife.  Lisa, my partner in recon, and I went over there one day and she, being a lot more brave than I am, asked the guy to come talk with us.  He did at length and I got a really great story about how they had a location, decided to move and expand, and how they built their place from a shell, just like I am planning on.  I encourage you to go say hi to him and even ask about how he found and built the place.  He's gruff, but really nice.  I also got some good advice from him.  Let me say that I get advice from everyone, and you know what they say about advice, that it's often worth about what you pay for it...well, he gave me some that I had never heard before: don't just define who you want your customers to be, but also define who you don't want.  This was interesting to hear, because I always figured you might define your target demographic, but be happy with anyone who came in.  His example is that he does not provide WiFi.  He doesn't want people sitting on their phones or computers.  He wants his place to be a social place where people talk to each other rather than stare at a computer screen.  And he also said he would kick someone out if they were sitting too long and not buying anything.  I can see him doing that.  I have made the decision to have WiFi at my place, but I now know that maybe I should look carefully at who I want...and who I don't.

Reconnaissance - Tea Xotics

So over the course of the year, I have tried to visit some of the local coffee and tea shops in the area and if they were willing, chat with the owners about their experiences starting and running their businesses.  This has been a lot of fun and there have been a couple I have visited multiple times.  I'll list them here with my impressions and thoughts and I'll start by saying I haven't had a bad experience anywhere, but I have had great experiences along the way.

I found Tea Xotics at the St. John's Craft fair last December.  Renee owns the company and she is very nice and personable.  I asked her about wholesaling and she was interested and I decided I would go up to her place in Shingle Springs.  Lisa has been my partner in crime at many of these excursions and the first time we went up, both she and Mike came.  We ordered our tea and sat in the cozy conversation nook.  The place is primarily a coffee place, but Renee has been doing the tea line for over a year.  Her place is big, but she serves a light lunch as well as the coffee and tea, so that makes sense.  It is open with a counter in the middle and both tall and regular tables.  A lot of the art portrays different stages of the coffee roasting process, and makes for a comfortable warm atmosphere.

I contacted Renee later since she wasn't there to talk to at the time and over email, she invited me to come up and see how she ran things and talk about her tea.  What an amazing invitation!  I went up one day and she took me behind the counter, into the kitchen, gave me advice on dishwashers, etc., and then sat down with me to discuss the biz.  Apparently, when she decided to buy, she closed the sale on a Friday, did a few things over the weekend, then re-opened Monday morning.  She didn't want to lose the customer base she already had and has added to it successfully since.  She now roasts her own coffee and in addition to the tea, I hope to carry her coffee as well.  Her advice was to not overthink it which will be difficult for me to follow.  LOL

Lisa is now a regular stopper on her way to her parents' place and has decided that I need to make my own version of one of the drinks there.

To New Friends Through Tea

So when I went to the World Tea Expo (blog post pending) in June, I met all kinds of wonderful people who were in various stages of starting their own tea ventures (and a couple who were already in business) and from all areas of the map.  I have kept in touch with several of them and this weekend got to connect with two of them.  I spoke to Jennifer on the phone for about an hour and got to hear about her adventures in Tucson.  She has located a space and is now working on logistics of the build-out and it was great to share our plan to make our dreams a reality.

This morning, I got to meet with Lan and her family.  Turns out she has family here in town and an aunt that lives maybe 5 minutes from me, so she is in town occasionally.  I met her at a company here in town that sells organic (and non-) spices and teas where she had an order to pick up then we had a nice breakfast.  We talked a lot about how we were moving ahead and a little about our respective lives.  It was really nice.

Today just reinforced what I have been discovering through my journey this year.  The tea world is pretty small yet and most of the people I have met have been more than willing to talk and give advice.  I have visited or talked to many of the local shops and have discovered a really nice community of people.  I am very glad for Lan and Jennifer and all the shop owners and Bob (my broker) and even the county workers who have been so helpful. It all should come together very soon!

Term Papers and Business Plans

I am working on my business plan right now and I am finding about as fun as a term-paper.  In actuality, it IS like a term paper...but I have to turn it in to me...and my investor.  I guess like all of them I will just have to suffer through...this one, at least, is relevant to my life, so I actually have a desire to complete it.  Still not fun but at least not one of those things in school that would have no lasting importance on my life.  :)

A Break from Business Planning...

So this year is our tenth anniversary, so I told Mike a while ago that I'd like to have a honeymoon for our 10th anniversary.  So we decided on Hawaii and I started polling friends and family on where the best place in Hawaii would be.  From what I heard, it sounded like we really couldn't go wrong.  But knowing how Mike is on crowds and touristy things, we narrowed down to Kauai and I decided to start looking into lodging.  Teri put me on to VRBO.com (vacation rentals by owner) and I looked at a few, then found a little house near Poipu.  I sent in an inquiry and got a response yesterday.  So, it looks like we are going to Kauai for 8 days in May!  Woohoo!  I am so excited!  Funny enough, I will only be home for a week after that before I am off to Las Vegas for the World Tea Expo.  May and June will be busy!

Business Class #8 - Invoice and Expense Tracking

Last class in the series and last one with the SBDC for a while.  Nehal was here again and after talking to him, we found we have a mutual friend that works at HP with him.  Very nice.

So this was on invoicing.  This was somewhat useful but I think I may use a program like Quickbooks.  That will be the next class I sign up for with the SBDC I think.  And I'll drag Mom along with me.  She can help with my bookkeeping.  :)

Business Class #7 - Email Marketing

Today's class was number 3 in the series; and it was all about email marketing.  I have seen Constant Contact, iContact, and a few others but this one introduced us to MailChimp.  I signed up as soon as I got home and realized I have nothing to market as of yet.  Ah well, I will eventually.

Anyway, we went through the ins and outs of managing a client list, importing it with a .csv file, writing a marketing email and sending it.  Very useful.  I am enjoying the exercises and like that they are practical.  The instructor Nehal has been very helpful and the materials are easy to follow.  I'll keep you posted as to how I use this stuff in the future.

Business Class #6 - Presentations

Today was the second class in the series of business classes.  Today's subject was Presentations such as for presentation to a loan officer in preparation for applying for a loan.  Again, it was informative in that there was good information although this probably more than the rest was repetition for me since I did presentations all the time for work.  Knowledge and practice is always good, though and it helps to keep polished.

Most of the same people were in this class as were in the first in the series.  It's nice to see the same faces and encourage each other on ventures.  The diversity in plans is pretty interesting.  There is everything from funeral planning, event planning, herbal distribution, and at least one person who is taking classes after having been in business for a while.

Business Class #5 - Managing Business Finances

Who knew that a class about finances could be interesting???  There was of course all the boring info about balance sheets, profit and loss statements and all that (necessary but very dryyyyyyy) but it was all kept very interesting by the instructor but if anything, I am even more intimidated...all will come in time though.

Clyde didn't teach this class, but his colleague did and he was great.  He made it fun to sit and talk about that stuff.  One thing I learned is that you can get really crazy complicated with your finances, but the trick is to work at keeping it simple.  Only complicate it enough to include what you need, but nothing else...in other words, KISS (keep it simple, stupid).

Business Class #4 - Website Management

So when I signed up for all these classes, I signed up for a series involving digital media management.  This one is about website management.  Mike, of course, pshawed at the idea behing the whole series because each one seeme dlike something I already know it that would be unnecessary.   So for this one, it is because he is my website admin and I didn't really need something like that because I had him.  I went anyway because I was curious what they might have to say.  I'm glad I did because this wasn't design so much as minor changes on the fly.

Mike has a day job and if I came to him on a busy day because some seemingly minor change in wording needed to be made, he would put me off and if that minor bit of wording were say, a note about a sale, it could really affect the business.  So this was a good backdoor way for me to go in and make minor changes.

The class was run by a really cute guy who works for HP.  And Mike still pshawed at the class when I showed him the exercises...but oh well.  I enjoyed it.  :)

Business Class #3 - Business Plan Guidelines

This class was a really good one!  It was an all day course and a lot of the people from the first class were there.  Clyde was the teacher again and he had some really great information.  He also sent us all home with a flash drive with some worksheets and templates.  I looked at them and they will be a good place to start when I start writing. 

I am a little intimidated by the amount of research that needs to be done.  One of the bits of advice that Clyde gave is to go sit in some comparable shops around town and see what it's like.  Mike wants me to expand on that and explore all the shops in the area and visit them all several times during the week.  I know that I need to know what that information looks like, but it's still intimidating!  LOL

Business Class #2 - Saving Money in Taxes

So today, I took a seminar about saving money in taxes with your business.  In the class last week, it seemed like the LLC was the way to go.  The guy that gave the seminar this week was definitely in favor of incorporating.  I took Mom with me and she really liked this guy and said she would think I should go with him as an accountant...I am not fully convinced but I did like what he had to say.  It sounds like an LLC is okay until you make a profit...so we'll see what happens...LLC, here I come!  :)

Business class #1 - Business Basics

Today, I took a business basics class at the SBDC and it was a lot of information to process!  The instructor was a great guy named Clyde who made a lot of information seem palatable.  I found out that along with the classes, the SBDC offers counseling and advisory services as well. I think I have found my new home.  :)

There is a lot to know about small business, but the main thing I got out of this class is to write a business plan.  That and form an LLC.  So, it looks like I will be doing that soon.

Goodbye to the old life...hello to the new...

So, here I am back after another two years and embarking on a new adventure.  A while ago, I had written that I was in a funk, and it turns out part of that was probably my job.  I loved my job when I started.  I felt safe there.  I was doing biology which truth be told, I am not very good at but I really enjoy.  My now husband used to laugh at me because I would come home all excited about something that happened with whatever bacteria I was working with.

I felt a bit of stagnation after a few years but my passion rekindled when I started on a big new project that allowed me to not only learn something new but to specialize in something.  This was great for a while...then I started having some interpersonal issues.  Probably things I should have seen coming and definitely should have handled better...but real issues nonetheless and issues that weren't all in my head.  They were confirmed by others who I highly respected and saw what was happening but were powerless to help.  Meanwhile I spiraled.  I came close to quitting a few times being incredibly unhappy and feeling like I had no other choice.

Then, I did have a choice.  And I decided that I wanted to be done with the corporate world and that job in particular, but I wanted to be done on my terms.  So with the blessing of super supportive hubby, I took the plunge and decided to go into business for myself. I am hoping this will be a good move and fun to boot.  I am seeing a long road ahead of me so far but It looks like it's pretty straight and well-lit.

I have been vindicated somewhat in that it seems I am missed at my old job.  I am perversely happy about this especially since I felt like I had no impact there at all.  I miss my friends terribly, but am making an effort to keep in touch with them.

A lot has happened.

So, two years ago, I wrote about my impending reunion.  It was actually quite nice.  I got to see a lot of people I wanted to.  More than I expected even.  One person that I always wondered about after High School was Sam.  We had a couple of mutual friends, and I heard the occasional update, but not many.  We ran in completely different circles and I was pretty oblivious in high school to a lot of goings on.  I am very glad I got to see him and catch up a little bit.
I was thrilled to see most of them and even still keep in touch with a few.  As I have said, hooray for Facebook...although I will say that I wish I was better about keeping up outside of FB because FB is very impersonal.  But that's another post...or at least another paragraph.  I guess I am mainly trying to say in regards to the reunion that it was nice to see almost everyone.  I thought it was really funny that some of the assholes are still assholes.  But really, if they are going to continue to be jerks and were jerks then, too bad.  I have no use for people like that in my life.  Some few people grew up (I managed not to...I still feel like a teenager sometimes...even at 41.)

Let's see what happens for 25 years...and even 30.

Well, this wasn't planned...

I have a post in my drafts that I was working on a couple of days ago and would probably have published tonite, but I got a bit of news today that sparked something and now, I have something else to get off my chest.

I have to start by saying: I am a good person. That is less to establish it for anyone else than it is a Stewart Smalley sort of self-affirmation. People have actually said this (to my face even), but I really need to tell it to myself right now. I have made mistakes in my life. Who hasn't? I will say that although some of them were less than becoming, none of them were truly hurtful in the grand scheme of things. The closest I came to that was about 11-ish years ago. The odd thing is, I know people who have done worse. And somehow, it seems to never back up on them. At least not that I can see...but then I wear no one's shoes but my own.

Let me pause to apologize for the cryptic nature of my writing. While specifics would be easier to write (it's surprisingly difficult talking about something without talking about it), it wouldn't make me feel better, and anyway, the specifics could potentially hurt someone. The purpose of this is for ME to write for myself and get things off my chest, not to cause anyone else harm.

I made a poor decision once. Followed my heart (and hormones) someplace I shouldn't have. At the time, I let myself believe (and be led to believe) that it wasn't so terrible. I now realize that I should have listened to the alarm bells that were going off and that finally got my attention, but not before I messed up...royally.

I KNOW I made a mistake. It's not really something one can apologize for...especially in light of the fact that I wasn't alone. But I do feel bad about it. But, it was 10 years ago and as if it was some sort of cosmic joke on me, it keeps coming back to haunt me. Not in a "I did something bad and now I feel guilty" way; although this and other incidents involve that too...but in a very real physical "gets thrown in my face every couple of years" kind of way.

I made peace with myself about it a long time ago, realizing my mistake, and through no effort of my own, wound up with some very understanding friends and family who supported me the first time the situation came back to bite me in the ass...about two years after the initial incident. I tried to make amends last year, and had it blow up in my face. Please understand that I don't exepct everyone to be happy about the situation no matter how many times I say I'm sorry. I just didn't expect THAT.

But what brings me to write this NOW and not last year at my previous encounter with this situation? Just when I thought that it had finally resolved (not in a way of my choosing, but resolved)...I find out that I will come face to face with it at my impending reunion. Yes, THAT is the cause of this frustration. As if I wasn't nervous enough to go to see a bunch of people who I haven't seen in 20 years and who all have accomplished amazing things, it now has the feeling of impending doom.

Ugh. Maybe a piano will fall on me before then.

Life has a Funny way of Happening

Today I am in a funk. Why? I have been on a roller-coaster ride of emotions for the past 6 years or so, so it's not an entirely unfamiliar feeling, but one that I can never seem to get my head around.

It started out when I found out I was prego and had an uncertain future with my significant other. That resolved itself...mostly...but then post-partum set in and all the minor brushes with depression I had experienced over the course of my life suddenly came to the forefront of my awareness in full living color. Then everything that I had come to count on in life seemed to be much more uncertain. And I no longer was the relatively happy person that a lot of friends considered, "just a really nice person". I made some pretty stupid mistakes in life (who hasn't?) some of which were relatively minor school age antics that I now look back on and cringe but I also realize did no lasting damage to anyone but maybe myself (sorry Anna). Others of which continue to haunt me to this day...and not in a figurative "in-my-painful-memories" sense but in a "still-affecting-my-current-existence" kind of way. However, that is all fodder for another post...maybe.

It all leads me here, wondering why I am in this funk. The gist doesn't change much. The seemingly unrelated content of the previous paragraph plays a HUGE part in it. I guess today, what got me going was thinking about friends past, present, and of course future. I signed up for facebook and as I mentioned in a previous post, found people I haven't talked to in years...people from high school and amazingly many from even before that. I lived back east for my pre-teens and early teens. I had some great friends that I had to leave when I moved back to CA. Some of which I kept in touch with, but many I didn't. Same with High School, Junior College, etc. That's all pretty normal...I know few people that didn't lose touch at one time or another with someone that they wish they hadn't.

Insomnia

I rarely get insomnia. Hell, anyone who knows me knows that I can and will sleep for 12 hours if given the opportunity... but I rarely am with a 5-year-old in the house.

So here I am, at 12:44 am on Monday morning before returning to work, on the computer and blogging (another thing I rarely do). Mondays at work are rough because I have a lot of meetings. It looks like tomorrow will be especially hard to keep my eyes open. Luckily, since I have changed my schedule, I go in earlier and my day seems to go by much faster...amazing how that happens when you don't have to wait until 5 or later to leave work!

So, what shall I write about? I have taken to writing down subjects that I think of in the car, at my desk at work, or other times I am not able to get to my blog, in order to eventually get the mental rant down into text. How many of these subjects have made it? Ummmmmmm, none. Because I tend to leave the notebook in the car...and because it is almost 1 in the morning, I can't remember a dang one of them! LOL Ah well.

On the bright side, I have caught up on my website maintenance, as well as a an old HS friend's blog. I guess insomnia can be good for something.

Dreams...part two...

I wrote a while ago about a dream I had had. The really weird thing is, I actually connected with someone from that time I was talking about. Not the same person, but still someone from that same 5 year time period where I lived in that same small town. Bizarre coincidence! LOL

But I have to say, "HOORAY for Facebook!" I am not really good at keeping up with social networking sites, but I have found several people from my past that I am thrilled to have gotten back in touch with (even if I am pretty sucky at regular communication!) and I wouldn't have been able to do it without that silly Facebook site. Now, I do have one friend that said something to the effect of asking me if it was worth it to lower myself to the level of a tween-age girl to find people that I haven't talked to in twenty years or more. I have to say yes. I am happy to have found them and since I didn't have to compromise my morals or anything to do so, all the better!